Saturday, November 28, 2009

Cancer: Game? Holiday? or ...Just Life

Well, I could apologize about the lack of updates, but between life, work, parenting, cancer, and work... did I mention work... it's been busy.

Lili and I received a wonderful gift last weekend--floor seats at the Houston Rockets game. We were very excited and grateful to our friend who kindly shared his tickets with us. After many long days, nights and weekends working it was a great blessing to have something totally FUN to celebrate TWO YEARS of LIFE with cancer.

Seems odd huh? 'Cancerversary' is a word lots of survivors use to describe the day you find out you have cancer. It is a pivotal life altering moment in time that seems as big as the Grand Canyon, but far less Grand. Not sure how to celebrate such a moment, but it's certainly hard to forget it. The crisp days and cold nights tend to make my bone pain kick up and the fallacy of living cancerfree comes into full view.

Speaking of FULL VIEW, Lili was less than excited about our 'floor seats' because she thought we would be sitting on the FLOOR! She was very excited once she knew chairs were involved! And now after two full years of life with cancer, I can say authoritatively that life without cancer is much preferred, but not necessarily better. (Chairs or no chairs.)

Sure, without cancer lots of horrible things would not be apart of my (our) lives. But I must say that cancer does provide a reality check each and every day. When I hold the chemo bottle in my hands I often close my eyes and just try to remember life without cancer. BUT, I also must admit cancer has forced me to see everything in a different way--not necessarily better, just different. Kinda like becoming a parent changes your life forever.

In my case, it's life with cancer. Cancer is not a game, a battle to be won or lost, it's not any one special day or holiday, it's life--messy, unpredictable and mine.

So I'm thankful for two more years of my life.
(Daisy at the Thanksgiving table!)

I'm thankful for laughter in all it's varieties. I'm thankful for friends and family--a mighty force of love and support.

I'm thankful for moments when I forget about cancer for even 10 seconds (watching Battier play basketball two feet away count double). I'm thankful for clean water, and a loving daughter who is responsible (she composts and recycles). I'm thankful for celebrations of any kind--the wackier the better. I'm thankful for dreams, because man can not live on reality alone.

Most of all, I'm thankful for that place between sleep and awake--where Peter Pan and Tinkerbell meet--because there I am cancer free.