Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Over the river and through the woods...

Ok, not going to my grandmothers house today, but isn't that a nice thought?

It's sad I'm not heading to either grandmother's house today for a couple of reasons: one... is that they both are enjoying a garden somewhere in heaven about now, and two... I'm headed to the hospital in a few minutes for a long day of tests including a bone marrow biopsy.

Yep.... it's needle time. Let me just say, the word 'needle' isn't sufficient to describe something that can go through my entire 'backside' and puncture bone. I digress.

Today is the 'three month visit' to check that the medicine is really working. Hopefully the number of "Philadelphia +" cells is dropping down towards zero from 100%. I'd take a big ZERO on this test! If I hit zero, which is unlikely, I am treating myself to a big bowl of mac and cheese! I know... the refined tastes and cravings of a southern girl.

Yesterday was so frustrating because I hit so many walls and lost so much time. Files I worked on 'disappeared or crashed', I found out something I was working on was already updated by a teammate and distributed (but not to me) so I am wasting more time, and fights with insurance and mortgage companies continue to test my patience. I feel like I am crawling through waist high mud and getting no where fast. It's very discouraging and not the attitude I wanted to have going into this day of tests.

What I had hoped for was a feeling of accomplishment under duress, calm in the midst of the storm, confidence in the face of uncertainty. Let's just say I don't have any of that this morning. I would rather stay here in bed with the dog all nestled in beside me and sleep the day away. I ache already with bone pain, I have fever, I'm so frustrated and feel unproductive in every way. ugh.

It's really time to go, and of course who wants to be late for this date!


cancer cowgirl xo said...

So, how did it go? PS. You are beautiful.

Kris Carr

debbiedoesraw said...

Hey gal
Be gentle with yourself, paitent and kind as you would with a baby. this stuff sort of reduces us to infant level needs.. so baby yourself, dry brush, get in a lavender scented tub and soak your bones.

You are a brave strong girl but sometimes we all need to stop and rest.. maybe this time is for you to do that.
love deb
PS I bet your Lili is a champion babysitter.. for you right now!

scnewme said...

Thinking of you today...hoping and praying for all the best news! You are a major trooper in the trenches!! I'm all too familiar with the bmb process and I'll take childbirth over it anyday, ugh.

I get those same scary, all I wanna do is puke (and I honestly do, every 3 months) feelings as it gets closer to scan day for me, too. We have to find a way to live for much more than these dreaded days, but it can be amazingly hard work. Take today just for you. Treat yourself like the queen you are!


Whole_Body_Healer said...

Hi there! Sending healing energy your way. Hang in there & be gentle with yourself. I know this is a tough place. You have been doing a fabulous job in highly un-fabulous circumstances! Wishing the best outcome possible for you!


Misha said...

Hi Rhonda,

Thinking and praying for you here in NY!!

Hang in there!

Love and Peace always,

Basic Me said...

Hi Love,
Ok.. cannot find the green post but found the bone marrow biopsy.. dont cha just love that.. I hate those .. like you I have them alot... I cannot wait to hear how the scans went. And on the other subject.. I will gladly do something new and green today. I love ya darling. Callie

Anonymous said...

Hello Rhonda,
I have been trying to read your blog. There is a lot to catch up on. Just wanted to let you know that I'm out here thinking about you & praying that you get the results you are hoping for.

I noticed that on some of your friends comments on the earlier posts, they enjoyed your Christmas card of Lili. Hmmmm, didn't get it. It's not too late to send it!


Dancer said...

Hey Girl!!

How was it!!??

You are going to respond to the medicine!! I know you will!!

That is how they monitored me this year also (i had a bone marrow biop every 3 months).

OK...the results are going to come back well!! it is a weird feeling, at the 3 month, because you will be headed in the right direction...but not quite there (so, it is exciting...but leaves you wanting the full response).

Give it the full year!! At my 6 month, my cells had gone from 80% abnormal to 8% abnormal..

and, i just had my 1 year and have 0% abnormal cells.

you are going to get there too!! you will get into cytogenic remission and not have any more of the nasty Philadelphia Chromosome!

Please let us know how you are...I do hope the biop was not too painful (what am i saying? i hope you are getting over it smoothly)

BIG HEALING HUGS and i am cheering for you!!!


OneChumpsTale. said...

Rhonda, Just wanted to send good vibs...and wishing all will turn out for you. Cornelia

debbiedoesraw said...

girl, I am so jealous of you wbc.. wish mine was so low.. I go Weds. so stay tuned.. how are you Rhonda?
Love your pic on csl.. too cool.

Dancer said...

how are you doing?


Dancer said...

how are you doing?


Annie - Steven's mom said...

Hi Rhonda
Thinking of you and hope you are doing ok.
Sending you a big hug and one for Lili is too :-)
love and light
Steven's mom